


I promise that you'll be my one, my only, my everything.

by skyblue993



Series: Whether you like it or not, It ain't gonna stop [2]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Drama, Fluff, Jonnor - Freeform, Love, M/M, Part Two, Sequel of "Whether you like it or not ain't gonna stop", mention of suicide, office life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6772963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude and Connor's journey continues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> And... here's the sequel. LOL  
> I Know I've said that there wasn't gonna be one.. but I had so many ideas flowing through my mind about this sequel.. so here it comes :)

Jude's pov.

  
It's been a year and it's astonishing how great it has been. No drama, no psyco ex fiancè, just me and Connor. This year has been blissful for a couple of reasons, but mostly because of him.

If anyone would have asked me few years ago, or even mentioned to me, that Connor Stevens has the biggest heart beating fiercely underneath that Armani suit, I would have laughed in their face. But now, after quite some time, I've come to conclusion that Connor is one of the most sensitive, caring, wonderful man on this Earth.

Throughout this whole year we've been taking our time knowing each other. It's been great actually, because we haven't rushed; they've been dates, romantic dinners at his place, movie nights, sleepovers... _a lot_ of sleepovers. He's the kind of man I've always dreamed of, and I'm aware that eavsdropping his conversations with Mariana is not the coolest thing to do, I know that okay? But.. put yourself in my shoes, After a year of perfect bliss, Connor's been weird and distant throughout the whole week and considering my anxiety and insecurity issues.. Okay, I know that's not a legit justification about why I'm pressed against the wall just outside his office, eavsdropping this conversation through the chink of the open door, when I should be at home getting ready for tonight's dinner at his place.

It's 7.30 Pm and everyone went home.. well, except for me.

“What's wrong Connor?”  
“I-” I can hear him giving a loud sigh.

“Talk to me.” Mariana insists. “is Everything okay with you and Jude?”  
“That's the problem, Mari.”

I hear myself exhaling sharply as tears are stinging at the corner of my eyes, threatening to fall. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._  
“I've been thinking...”  
_Oh fuck_. My heartbeats are speeding up. I'm gonna cry, I can feel it. It's over.

“... and? ”

Maybe I'm just overreacting. He wouldn't, not after everything we've gone throught. He fucking wouldn't.

“I don't want to be his boyfriend anymore.”

That hits me right in the chest, it fucking hurts. Before my knees give out, hitting the floor, I start running towards the elevator, trying my best to hold the tears. I've cried so much throughout my whole life, I refuse to cry.. I promised him. I remember his exact words. “ _No more tears, I'll only give you smiles Jude Jacob.”_

“Fuck you!” The man standing next to me, turns his face looking horrified and scared by my sudden outburst.

“The fuck I'm coming over for dinner tonight.”  
The man keeps staring at me, in complete silence.. maybe dreading the moment he will ask me if I'm okay, and I'll tell him to fuck off.

My phone starts vibrating inside of my pocket, I pull it out and I can't contain the guttural laugh coming out of my throat, reading the ID caller.

“Fuck you!”  
I know.. yelling at the phone screen isn't the same as yelling at the object of our pain, and it's also midly concerning. That's probably why, the man standing next to me, decides to get out of the elevator murmuring. “I'll take the stairs” on his way out.

A text message comes through few seconds later. It's him. Obviously. 'See you tonight, Don't be late.. we need to talk'

“The fuck I'm going to talk to you.”

How can he do this to us. I mean.. his words 'I don't want to be his boyfriend anymore' are clear like air, It's impossible that I Just misunderstood his words.

I've obviously done something wrong, they why the hell wouldn't he talk to me about it? If I made some mistakes I can fix it.. but, giving up like that it's so fucking wrong.

He keeps calling and I keep ignoring his phonecalls. As I'm stepping into my apartment, I pull it out of my pocket turning it off. I can't deal with looking at the gorgeous pic of his face everytime he calls me.

The raging fury and anxiety running through my veins, finally find peace when I sit on the couch, swallowing down a slighty concerning amount of red wine. At some point, when There's more red wine than actual blood running through my veins, I feel my heartbeats finally slowing down on their crazy pace, that until someone starts knocking insistently at the front door.

I wrap my arms around my body, ignoring the noises, but it's really hard.. especially when the man out there is not giving up.

“Jude!” I run my hand through my hair, letting out a deep sigh. Fuck. I should have known.

I slowly get up on my trembling legs, heading towards the door. I spend some minutes leaning against it, just listening to the incessants noise on his fists, hitting the door.

“Jude, fuck! open the door!” I close my eyes as my stomach starts aching for the pain.

I'll open the door and then what? He will just break up with me, he doesn't want me to be his boyfriend anymore, doesn't he? I know I've said that I would have stopped crying.. but seriously, I can't refrain the tears anymore. How I'm suppose to feel? My boyfriend, The man I love, is about to break up with me. I should be happy about it? Fuck.. just the thought of it it's taking me apart, I can't face him. I can't face _it._

“Fuck.” I hear him giving out a loud groan and that makes me realize that I can't avoid him forever, I can't be stalling and hiding in my apartment forever.. I have to face his decision.

“Jude...” I feel a sharp pain spreading through my chest at the sight of His eyes red and puffed up, when I finally open the door. He lets out a sigh of relief, running his hands through his messy hair. “Are you okay?”

“What?” He flinches when my voice comes out shaky and hoarse and only then he realized that my face is scratched with tears.

He takes a step forward and he cups my face into his warm hands, his eyes locked with mine.

“What happened? I was waiting for you at my place and you didn't show up and then I came here and you weren't opening the door. I was so fucking Sc-.”

“Why would you care?” He frowns, taking a step back as hurt is flashing across his huge, dilated eyes.

“Excuse me?”  
I wrap my arms around myself as a shield as he tries to read through me with his magnificient, hazel eyes. Just looking at his eyes makes me urge to cry, why is he looking at me Like I'm still part of his universe? Why his eyes are lying to me like this ?

“What the hell are you talking about, Jude?” His voice is now filled with anger and hurt. I take a moment to look at the perfection of his face, the perfection of Him. His eyebrows are furrowing in confusion as he looks at me with Jaw wired shut. He's pissed and confused and clearly trying to remain calm and collected, giving me the chance to elaborate my answer.

I try to slow down my heavy breaths before saying. “You don't want to be my boyfriend anymore.”  
Realization flashes across his features, his eyes lowering down in sadness for a split second, before he suddenly lifts up his face looking at me with shocked eyes.

“Were you eavsdropping my conversation with Mariana?!” His tone sounds.. offended.

“Were you?!” He asks again since I feel unable to reply.. I shouldn't have done that but.. Wait, why I'm even feeling bad about this?

“Yes.”

He lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “I Can't fucking-” He inhales and exhales heavily few times before asking me with sharp tone. “And you couldn't just talk to me about this?!”

This time I'm the one feeling pissed and outraged, feeling a rush of anger rising up from the pit of my stomach. I should be the outraged one. He wants to break up with me and I should even feel bad about eavsdropping his plans for the night? Hell to the no.

“Why would you even care?! Come on. You wanted me to come over for dinner because you're planning on breaking up with me. Go on!” He flinches when, even though my voice sounds firm and resolute, there are tears falling down my face as exasperation is taking over my body.

He takes a step towards me, pulling me into his arms as tears are wetting his soft sweater. I cling onto him as tight as I can considering that this will be the last time I will be feeling his warmth filling my body and my senses.

“Shh..” He says, caressing my hair as a soft laugh escapes his lips. Why is he laughing?!

“Jude. Calm down.” He pulls away, cupping my face into his hands as his thumb is gently wiping away some tears.

“It's true?” my voice sounds resigned, I Just.. need to have an answer, A definitive answer.

“I'm afraid yes, Jude.” I feel my chest rising, letting out a heavy sigh. Okay. It's definitive, it's over. I just need to pull myself together, take a deep breath and...

“I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore.” He says, biting his lips as he keeps looking at me with eyes bright, happy and full of hope. What the...

He holds one of my hands as the other one pulls out something out of his pocket, before my mouth falls open in shock.

“I want to be your husband.”

 


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content in this chapter.

Connor's pov.

 

His reaction is.. odd.

He laughs, shaking his head as to clear it. It almost looks like he's trying to wake up from a dream or a nightmare.. I'm trying to read his expression as the pace of his breathing is getting shallow and uneven.

“Jude..” His eyes snaps up, looking right into mine, before he throws himself into my arms.

“Connor.” His voice sounds so scared and fragile. He clings onto me, breathing heavily in the crook of my neck as his fluttering eyelashes are tingling my skin.

“Oh God.” He pants, closing his eyes. “I-..”  
“It's okay.. Jude. Really.” He shakes his head as he pulls away, his face is just inches apart from mine and I can glimpse pure fear in his eyes. It doesn't take a genius to guess that He's scared of me going away from him, fear of screwing things up.

“Hey..” my hands cup his cheeks. Even though It's hard, because I feel air leaving my lungs as a sharp pain is hitting me right in the chest, I'm cracking a smile hoping to reassure him that nothing is going to change. I will never let that happen. “I love you.”

He sighs, trying to lower down his gaze, but my hand is keeping his chin up forcing him to look at me.

“It's okay.. it was rushed, I-” I let out a sharp intake of breath when his eyes are once again glistening with tears, making me realize that I need to be the stronger one in this occasion.

I let out a soft laugh. “It's okay.”  
“It's not.” He sobs. My heart clenches inside of my chest, The pain is back. “I'm screwing things up.”

“You're not.” I keep telling him as my finger is running over his cheek. “I love you. I want to be with you, no matter if as boyfriends or husbands. I Just want you.”  
“I do..” He mumbles and my heart stops beating for a second, waiting for him to elaborate because I can feel a but coming in. “I do want to marry you, It's not that I'm unsure about you or us because you make me feel safe and loved and I trust you completely.” He exhales before adding. “But.. There's something inside of me that just..” He wipes a falling tear rushing down his cheek.

“Jude. It's okay.” It's not, but still.. I need to be the strong one, don't I?  
“Just.. pretend I never said anything.” Easier this way, huh? Apparently he doesn't completely agree with me, because his eyes widen as a distressed gasp escapes out of his lips.

“No!” His hands reaches to my neck, lacing on. “ Con... I don't want to pretend that this never happened. I.. Just need few days to think about it  **thoroughly** Please, Let's put this proposal on hold for a while.”  
“Jude really, you don't have to struggle for days if you know deep down that you're not ready. It's okay, I get it.”  
It's true that I'm extremely disappointed and his words hurt me deep in my pride, but I Really get his reaction,. After what he'd been through with Gabriel I can understand why he's so scared. I know that his fear has nothing to do with me, in particular, it's just the thought of getting married that scares him to death. I get it.

“Connor.” He sighs, his voice sounds a bit firmer than before as his eyes are silently begging me to hear him out. “Just give me few days to think about it, please.”  
“Okay.” I put the ring inside of my pocket again, hoping that one day (hopefully not far away) I will be able to slide it into his finger.

“I love you.” His words sooth a bit my poor ego as a soft, this time, genuine smile is appearing on my lips.

“I love you too.” He smiles, letting out a sigh of relief before kissing me. His lips tastes like tears as they move insistently against mine. I feel heat spreading through my chest as he lets out a soft moan, before catching his breath.

He stares at me, trying to find any sign of resentment or anger. He knows he would never find one of those.

“Jude..”  
“I feel so-”  
“I know.” I cut him off, closing my eyes laying a kiss on his forehead. “But Don't feel pressured into making a decision. You know that whatever it'll be your answer, nothing is going to change between us.”  
He smiles softly, resting his head on my shoulder. “I know. Thank you, Connor.”

“Can I stay with you tonight?” He smiles warmly, ready to say yes when his smile suddenly turns into a frown. “You have your meeting in Dallas, tomorrow.” he sighs before adding. “ And in Vegas in two days.”  
“Fuck..” I completely forgot about that, I still need to pack. “Three days without you..”  
“Yeah..”

“I'm gonna miss you so much.” he hums against my neck as he lays soft kisses on the skin behind my ear, sending shivers crawling down my spine. “Gonna miss you too.”

“I guess I should go, then.” I give a quick glance at the clock on my phone and my eyes widen when I realize the time. “Fuck it's midnight.”  
He pulls away, holding my hand tightly as he looks at me with soft eyes. “See you, boss.”

I kiss him, lingering a little too much, just because I feel the need to savour the taste of his lips and the smell of his essence one more time, before I have to spent three whole days without seeing him.

“Connor?” He calls my name as I'm walking towards the elevator. I turn around. “Yeah?”

“I promise I'll be thinking about it.”

A soft smile spread on my lips. “I promise I'll be thinking about you the whole time.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “Don't. You have to nail those meetings.”

The doors of the elevator slide open and I step inside. “Only if when I come home I can nail you.” I watch him laughing with amusement, before the door close.

 

During the meeting in Dallas I spend the whole time, nodding and smiling politely to the man sitting across from me who's talking to my Dad about finances and coming to visit our company whenever he's in town.

I'm usually more talkative and committed to these meetings but I can't stop thinking about Jude. I can't help but feel like I've been rushing into this proposal. I will never forget the way his face fell when he saw the ring. I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide into it. He looked so scared and I didn't need to be said anything from him to figure that he was feeling the ground slipping off his feet.

“Connor?” My father asks as we're getting out of the congress room.

“Yeah Dad?”

“Listen.. I'm still sorry If I've chosen to come to these meetings with you but son, you've been a wreck for a week now.. I'm worried about you.”  
I let out a sigh as we're heading towards the restaurant. “It's okay Dad.”

“Trouble in paradise?” he guesses, raising an eyebrow. “You know you can talk to me about these things.”

“I know dad, I just.. need to-” He cuts me off as he smiles knowingly. “ Go.”  
“I'm sorry if I bail you for dinner.” I feel my cheeks getting flushed. “I just need to hear his voice.”  
“Go, and ask Jude how's everything is going at work in our absence.”  
“I will.”

 

Jude picks up after the fifth ring. “Hello?”

“Um..Why are you panting?” Jude laughs. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Wh-. No! Of course not.” He sighs and I can hear the soft bounce of his body falling on his mattress. “I was showering.”

“Interesting.” I let my body falling backwards, hitting the mattress as his angelic laugh fills my ears.

“Yeah.. would have been more interesting if I had some company.” His flirtatious voice send a shiver to my dick.

“Yeah?” I take off my jacket, sliding off my shoulders. He hums, letting out a soft moan.

“What are you doing?”  
“I'm laying on my bed wishing you were here with me.” He give a soft laugh as he asks, his voice filled with amusement. “ _Here_ meant as in the same hotel, in your room or in your bed?” He wants to play.. the dick head. I feel a devious smirk appearing on my lips. “ _Here_ in my room as I'm laying on _my bed_ and you're bouncing _on my cock_.”

He lets out a sharp intake of breath that send shivers of lust running through me, burning like fire.

“Jesus, Connor.” His hoarse voice makes me lower down a hand to my pants, unbuckling the belt.

“Fuck.” He moans. “You're evil.” I pull the shirt out of my pants as my dick is swelling even further inside the fabric of my brief, at the hoarse voice of my boyfriend coming through the phone. This conversation has taken an unexpected turn, not that I'm complaining, obviously.

“Boucing up and down on my cock, filling you up.”  
“Stop... please, Con.” His voice sounds desperate and pleading. My baby is suffering.

I close my eyes, picturing the scene and feeling my dick getting harder and harder at the sight forming behind my closed eyelids. Before realizing it, my hand is wrapped around my dick stroking if fiercely as moans are filling the silence of the room.  
“Connor. Fuck, you're so hot baby.”  
“Jude.” My hand keeps stroking until some jizz is leaking from the tip, landing on the clean sheets.

“I miss you, fuck. I want you inside of me.”  
“Soon baby. I'll be back in two days.” he moans and I close my eyes, focusing on the shallow breathing coming through the other end of the line.

“Are you touching yourself?”  
“No.” Jude replies, probably biting his lips as he's tries to resist the urge to touch himself, getting a release. “I'll wait for you.”  
“Oh baby...”  
“.... feeding me full with your cock.” The grip on my erection tightens, listening to the pleading moans slipping out of my boyfriend's lips. I can't help but imagine how he looks as he's Laying on his bed, eyes closed, biting hard on his lips as his hand itches to head downward, sweat running down his forehead as his cheeks are getting even more flushed; his chest rising and falling as he tries his hard to not give in.

“Baby.. please.” The need to hear his desperate whines of pleasure is unbearable. I need To hear him saying that he needs it as much as me. I'm overwelmed by the need to be inside of him, deep and thrusting hard inside of his tight ass. I want to feel the connection that was lacking between us in the past few days, I need to be with him, inside of him, deep within him...

“I love you.” He moans loudly as the sound or his broken voice feels like music to my ears. “Miss you. Fuck.”

“Love you too baby, do it..” The sound of my firm voice makes him pant faster, and knowing every kind of sounds coming out of his sweet lips.. “Are you coming?”  
“...Close.” He says, his voice filled with desperation and considering the irregular breaths comng out of his lips he's getting there. I close my eyes, thinking about the first time I've gotten inside of his tight ass, screwing him on my fucking desk, raw and lustful; completely mindless.

“Fuck, baby.. I'm coming.-”  
“Con..”  
“Fuck. I wish I was spilling inside of you.” Just the picture forming behind my closed eyelids is enough to encourage the spurts of come as it's fiercely leaking out of my dick, making a mess on my stomach and on the sheets.

His broken shriek makes me open my eyes, breathing sharply. “Oh God, I made a mess.” He pants, letting out a loud sigh as my laughter starts filling the silence of the room.

“What are you laughing at?” He pants loudly, letting out a strained giggle. I close my eyes trying to catch my breath, totally unconcerned about the stains of jizz on the sheets.

“You, worrying about your sheets.” He laughs. “I missed your laugh.”  
“It's always been there.” he reminds me, his voice filled with affection.

“I know.. It's just feels like we've been further apart on the last few days.”  
“Con..” His voice is coloured with affection and a bit of warn. “You know we weren't. You've been busy with your meetings and I've been busy with work. Even though my Boss is my boyfriend doesn't mean I'm allowed to _slack it off_.” He put emphasis on the last words and a soft laugh escaped of my lips, remembering how many times I've been telling him _that_ with bitterness filling my words.

“You're probably right.”  
He lets out a dramatic sigh. “You're so needy.”  
I roll my eyes, rolling onto my stomach as my hand pulls out of the pocket a small, gold item.

“I never hear you complaining..”  
“And you never will.” Jude retorts, laughing. I stare at the golden ring in my hand. It's so small but it hides the biggest meaning, behind it's small size. It's the biggest committment of my life, and even though it scares the hell out of me I've never wanted anything more fierecely in my entire life.

The urge to ask him, to fill this void within my chest as I wait for his answer is burning like a flame inside of my body.. I know that he needs time and I'm going to give it to him, but It's feels like I'm off the hook, it makes me feel anxious and needy like I've never been before.

We keep staying on the line just hearing each other breathing until, just like he was reading through my mind, he says. “Con?” His voice, breaking the silence, makes me flinch slightly.

“Yeah?”

“I just want you to know.. that I'm thinking about it.”  
My heart speeds up. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah..” he replies softly.  
“Okay.”  
“Okay?” His voice sounds like he was expecting me to say something more than just 'Okay.'

“Take your time. No one is rushing you.” Technically I am, just in my mind, but.. he'll never know that.

He gives a happy sigh. “You're amazing, Connor Stevens.”

“I know.” He laughs softly and I debate myself for a moment If I should say this, even if it's just in a playful contest.. or not. You know what.. Screw it.

“You'll be a lucky man to have me as a future husband, one day.”

He stays in complete silence for few, heavy seconds and during those seconds panic rushes through my veins thinking that maybe I shouldn't have said that, maybe it was too soon.. maybe.. His voice breaks my train of thoughts, making my pulse speed up when he exhales. “Maybe that day isn't that far , after all.”


	3. 3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callie talks some senses into Jude.

Jude's pov.

“Hey you!” Callie's voice comes through the phone with a cheerful shriek. 

“Hey, Cal!”  
“It's been a while.” She remarks with teasing voice. I let out a small giggle because yeah.. It's been weeks since the last time we'd talked.  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Nah, It's cool. You've been busy with you man..” She says and I can detect a teasing smile planted on her lips as she's saying that. 

“How's everything?”  
“Everything is fine.” She sighs. “Mom and dad are asking about you. You should call them .”  
“I will.”  
“Any particular reason for this phonecall?”

“Isn't a reason enough that I just want to catch up with my sister?”

“I'm not doubting that... I just know you.” She's right. She probably knows me better than anyone, sometimes even better than myself.

“Did you and Connor break up?” She gasps suddenly, holding her breath.

“No!” She exhales, letting out a deep, relieved breath . “No.. it's quite the contrary.”  
She gets it immediately, infact she starts hyperventilating over the phone. “Oh my God. Oh my God!”  
“Callie..calm down.”  
“ H-He proposed? Oh my God!” there's a shriek coming through the phone and she rushes to say with voice filled with excitement. “Wait a minute, Julia is crying. I'll be right back. Don't move.” I hear footsteps in the distance, and after a while she comes back, panting. “You still there?” “Yeah...” I can't refrain the laugh escaping my lips, she's such a drama queen.

“How's Julia?”  
“She's fine. She was hungry, I'll put you on speaker.”  
“Cal-”

“Talk.” Her tone doesn't admit any objections so I start telling her everything.. the misunderstanding between us, Connor coming to my apartment, the ring slipping out of his pocket. She starts crying. “Cal-”

“Oh Jude! It's so beautiful! I'm so happy for you two!”  
Oh yeah... I probably forgot to mention. “Um... I kinda put the proposal on hold.” She doesn't reply for three long seconds. “Callie?” I can hear her inhaling and exhaling over the phone. Like she's trying to keep herself calm. After a long minute she finally speaks.  
“I-I can't understand why would you do that.” before I have the chance to explain my decision, she rushes to add “..and don't give me the 'Gabriel' bullshit, because seriously Jude, I will come to LA and beat your ass in this instant.”

“Don't be so harsh.. Jesus. I just needed some time to think.”  
“I'm harsh because you're my brother, I care about you and I just want you to be freaking happy for once!”  
“I'm happy..” I cannot wish anything more in my life. She takes a deep breath, before asking me. “How has he reacted to your 'lets put this proposal on standby'?” I roll my eyes even though she can't see me. “He was fine with it.”

She lets out a strangled laugh, probably shaking her head in disappointment. “Fine with it? Jude... he's probably deeply hurt by your answer.”  
My eyes widen as I shake my head, feeling pain spreading through my chest at the possibility that I might have hurt him. “He said-”  
“It doesn't matter what he said." She cuts me off with sharp tone. " He knows what you've been through, he would have never pressured you or making you feel guilty about your indecision. That's what proves to you that you should marry this man.” She says before adding in a low, careful tone. “Unless.. you don't want to.” 

The words come out of my mouth before even thinking about it. “Of course I want to!”  
She smiles, letting out a sigh of relief. “That's what I thought. Listen.. I don't know Connor that well but from what I know he's a gentle, caring man who's putting your feelings before his and Jude.. it's something that makes you understand what kind of man he's standing by your side.”

“You're right.”

“I know that what happened with Gabriel is still haunting you, but you have to let it go and open your heart to the possibilies of future, don't let the past ruin the amazing future you have ahead of yourself.”  
I feel tears tickling at the corner of my eyes, happy tears.. because my sister is right.

“Thanks Cal.”

“Now go and tell him that you'll fucking marry him.” I can't control the happy laughter coming out of my lips.

“He's not here.. He's on a business trip. He's coming back in two days.”

“That's a good thing!”  
“How's a good thing?” She's so enthusiastic, I love my sister. I miss having her around.

“You can prepare a big surprise for him, when he comes back home!”

I narrow my eyes, thinking about it as a mischievous smile is spreading on my lips. Yeah, it's gonna be so good.  
“That's a brilliant idea..”

 


	4. 4.

Connor's pov.

  
It's finally the last night I'm spending in this bed, alone and away from home.

I've been texting with Jude for the past few hours and he said everything is under control at work.

I wonder if he's been thinking about it and if, when I'll come home, I will finally have an answer.

The wait is killing me, I constantly feel like I'm carrying this heavy burden on my chest that doesn't allow me to breathe.

When it comes to him, I know I shouldn't be pushing but if Jude is sincere when he tells me that his indecision isn't about me, that he forgave me for what happened in the past and he trusts me with every fiber of his being.. Then why he needs time to think it through? I'm aware that maybe I'm rushing things, but should I really feel guilty for wanting to spend the rest of my life with him? Or Falling asleep and waking up next to my husband for the rest of my days?  
My deep thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand, I reach out with my hand and my heart starts pounding loudly inside of my chest when I open the text message.

It's _him_. “Can you stop by my apartment as soon as you land ? I need to talk to you.”  
My pulse speeds up. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ Why the hell would he send me this message? Ok, Connor.. keep calm. Take a deep breath, and don't show to him that you're a train wreck.

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

Cool? Cool?! Should I call him? No, I probably shouldn't.. I will turn off my thoughts – yeah I know it's not humanly possible, it's just a figure of speech- I will close my eyes and try to get some sleep.

In any case.. tomorrow I'll get my answer, I just hope in a positive one.

 

******

“Are you coming right back home?” Dad asks me as soon as we land at LAX airport. I shake my head as a nervous smile is firm planted on my lips and my heart is obviously beating at some concerning pace.

“No.. go ahead.”  
“Are you coming home _at all_ tonight?” He asks with a teasing edge in his voice.

“Well.. It depends.” He nods, taking his luggage. “Well.. I'll see you at home” He says. “Or tomorrow.” I feel my cheeks getting flushed at his pathetic attempt of winking.

“Dad.” my voice is coloured with affectionate warn. He smiles one more time, before climbing in the cab.

I pull out my phone, texting few words to Jude. Just a simple : “I'm on my way.”  
I don't have to wait long for his reply, a simple . “K.”

K? I mean.. seriously?! What the hell..

The cab ride from the airport to Jude's apartment is filled with thoughts.. What is gonna say to me, how can I pretend that I'm not destroyed when he's gonna say no for the second time.. well, there's a chance he says yes, I think.. Oh God.. why is this driver so slow, my maternal grandma could do better and she's eighty, in a wheelchair.

“You got a problem, dude?” He asks, looking at me from the rearview mirror.

“Huh?”  
“I can feel you glaring at me from the backseats.” His tone... isn't happy. At all, maybe I should have given him a more careful look before starting bitch-glaring. He's.. big, muscled, dark eyes threatening to break my face in a split second and voice totally pissed off. Did I mention the weird tattoo on his arm? What does it says... I narrow my eyes, trying to catch what the quotes says. “Mom forgive me.” Oh Jesus.

“No... man, everything is perfectly fine.” He nods, still glaring at me from the rearview mirror.

“I heard you muttering about your grandma.” He clears his throat, tightening the grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. I feel my eyes grow wide as panic starts running through my veins.

“Yeah.. my Grandma.. bless her soul.” Sorry grandma. “She was a huge fan of cabs..” What the fuck am I even saying.. oh dear Lord. “S-She..” I Feel a knot in my throat, and I silently curse myself for being such an ass. I swallow down some saliva, trying to get the words out of my mouth. “She was a lonely lady.. she loved getting a cab, sharing her stories with cab drivers..” I'm so lame..

He lets out an amused laugh and I finally hear myself breathing again, He shakes his head as the sound of his laughter fills the threatening air in the vehicle.  
“You're such a pussy.” He snorts as he stops the car at the traffic lights. W-what the hell have you said?  
“Excuse me?”  
He laughs again, shaking his head in amusement. “No wonder that Jude doesn't want to marry you.”  
My eyes widen in shock. How the hell does he know about Jude? And.. how does he knows about the proposal?

“What the hell did you just say?” He finally turns around and it hits me like a fist colliding with my face.

My eyes get blown wide and my lips part in shock. It.. It' can't be..

“Oh my fucking God.” Blue eyes, messy hair.. that psyco smile on his lips. “G-Gabriel.”

“Hello bitch. Did you miss me?” He asks, Looking at me with eyes wide as amusement is flashing across his features.

“Do you really think that he's going to marry a pussy like you?” He snorts, letting out a mean laugh. His eyes darker than I've ever seen.

“You can't probably even top him properly.” He remarks as his eyebrow furrow in amusement.  
“Don't you dare talk about him.” I Say to him, giving him a push from the back seats.

“Remember Connor, You'll never, ever get rid of me.”

At his words I feel bile rising up in my throat. My sigh gets completely red as he keeps laughing and looking at me with disgusted eyes, just like I'm a desease.

I'm gonna kill him.. I'm gonna kill him.. _“I'm gonna kill you!”_

“Dude!” My eyes snap open as I let out a deep exhale of breath feeling my lungs deprived of air. The driver of the cab, _the_ _real one_ , is shaking me as he stares at me with eyes dilated, worry flashing across them.

It was a dream.. it was just a dream, Gabriel is not here. He's out of our lives. He's not here.

“Breathe..” He says, grabbing a bottle of water and offering it to me.

“N-no thanks.” He breathes slowly as he runs a hand over his forehead. “You scared the hell out of me.”  
“I-I'm sorry..” I turn my face, looking outside and I realize that we're parked outside of Jude's building.

I pull out my wallet but the driver shakes his head, letting out a sigh.

“Go.. it's on the house.”  
“Really?”  
He nods, smiling. The tattoo boy isn't that bad after all. “Thanks.”

“Take care.” He says, turning on the engine. I thank him one more time, before stepping outside.

I honestly feel my legs shaking as I step into the building. That dream seemed so real.. fucking Gabriel, even now that's out of our lives he still has to piss me off.

The moment Jude opens the door, I'm suddenly feeling unable to move, to breathe, to speak.

“Con.” he smiles warmly, his eyes sparkling with joy. He's beautiful. His carefree smile though, quickly starts fading when he notices that I'm staring at him, completely freezed on my spot.

“Are you okay?” He asks with gentleness filling his voice, I realize that even though it's only been three days I missed him so freaking much. It's astonishing how the softness of his voice, the warmth of his brown eyes are capable of calming the storm of emotions twisting my stomach.

“Yeah.” my voice sounds so breathless. “ I just didn't realize how much I missed you until you opened this door.”  
“Come on.” he smiles as he holds the door opened for me, gesturing to come inside. I step over the threshold on my trembling legs, feeling his piercing gaze all over me.

We sit on the couch and I can't help but notice how relaxed he seems to be in this moment, it's a positive thing, right?

“How was the trip?” He asks, pouring red wine into two glasses.

“It was okay.” I tell him ,taking my glass of wine and mumbling a soft 'thanks'. He hums, sipping his wine, looking completely chilled. Why I'm the only one feeling nervous? Maybe the wine will cool me down. There's suddenly a heavy silence falling on us that honestly send shivers crawling down my spine. It makes me feel uncomfortable, sitting here sipping wine as he looks at me in that mischievous yet completely amused way. I feel like I'm going to lose it if neither of us say something.  
“So-”

“... How was the hotel?” Jude's voice cuts me off looking at me expectantly as he hides his smile behind his huge glass of wine. What kind of question is this?

“ Clean.” His laughs is filling my ears as a warm rush of affection is taking over me. I'm so in love with this dude.

“Clean?” He repeats as he bits his lips. It's unclear to me what he's trying to do but I let him play for once, He's clearly stalling, that's okay.

“Yeah.. the staff nice.” My voice comes out completely disinterested, it's true actually.. I don't know what we're doing here. He nods, biting his lips as he's miserably trying to refrain a smile.

“So.. Jude-”  
“You also went to Vegas.” Jude points out, cutting me off once again as he keeps trying his best to keep his face serious. “Did you hit the strip club?”

“Um, no.. just the Casino. Look J-”

“Ohh interesting, did you have any luck?”

“Okay that's enough.” He stares at me with huge eyes, biting his lips as he tries to hold his laughter under control.  
“W-” this time I'm the one cutting him mid sentence, I feel exasperation taking over my body as my voice comes out edgy and full of bitterness for the first time in days. “Jude. Why am I here?”

His face suddenly falls; behind his amused look there's a seriousness on his face that creeps me out.

He looks at me with soft eyes and in that moment I feel the ground slipping off my feet.  
“Look.. I'm not rushing you, I'm really not.. but you said you needed to talk to me and honestly I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind in this moment, so please.” I close my eyes, trying to keep my breath even. “Just... spill the beans.”  
I open my eyes for a brief moment, hearing nothing but his deep, labored breathing until, once again it turns into a soft smile. My dilated eyes Looks at him as he gets up and they follow him until he's leaving the room.

“Where are you going?” Today is officially the craziest day I've ever lived.

“I baked.” Jude replies calmly, heading towards the kitchen.

“Well.. sounds fair.” I'm not even aware that I'm mutteringto myself. “We're talking about our future and he says he baked.”  
I roll my eyes, waiting for him to come back. I swear, I've reached the limit of my patience, now. If he's not intentioned to tell me what he has to tell me, I'm going to have a breakdown.

He comes back into the room with a happy smile planted on his lips. I think this is another of my weird dreams, He will open that box and I will probably find Gabriel's face on the icing. The thought honestly makes me giggle for a brief moment, and shiver at the same time. He sits down on the couch as he puts the box on the coffee table across from us.

“I know you took me to dinner for my birthday, last week.” He says blushing a bit. “But.. I couldn't

blow the candles.”  
“Because the restaurant wasn't provided of candles.”  
“Yeah..” he says with a pout on his gorgeous lips. He takes my hand and together we open the box.

“Red velvet.” He points out, letting out a satisfied laugh because he knows..

“My favourite.” He nods, kissing me on my stunned face. For who's wondering, no.. there's no Gabriel's face on it.. but there's something else.. I let out a short intake of breath, feeling my heart beating so hard that It will probably burst out of my chest. I hope it doesn't end up smashing the cake because it would be a shame.  
He looks at me with emotion filling his eyes as he lights up the candles, holding the cake and lifting it up towards my bewildered face. In this moment I can't function, it must be another dream because.. I feel like I can't breathe. The powerful rush of love I feel for this man it's taking over my brain cells shutting it down completely, and making my whole body weak like jelly. I feel my eyes starting to sting, filling with unleashed tears as I look down at the cake. There are three candles on it , three letters..

“Jude..” I'm even surprised that my voice comes out at all, considering the constricting knot in my throat. His eyes are sparkling with tears, lighten up by the soft light of the candles and the dim light coming outside of the window.

“On my count?” I'm not sure I will make it to three, oh God.. my feels are exploding. I manage to nod my head, as a lonely tears is falling over my cheek.

“One..” He breathes out. I close my eyes as memories starts flowing behind my closed eyelids. Cherished moments, fragments of life, milestones..

 _"Sir, I'm Jude Jacob.. and I will be your assistant"_ Hands, lips, tongue darting out, licking pizza stains off his skin. Lust, attraction, Can't get enough of him, denial.

“Two.”

“ _Were you jealous when he sent me flowers? when you saw us on my couch? His hands gripping on my hips?”_ Jealousy.

“ _I can't stay away from you.”_ Realization.

“ _You make me feel good, and alive and happy.. and I don't want to lose what we have.”_ fear of the unknown. Willingness to face it together.

“ _Finding you is what I've always dreamed of.”_ Surrender to the heart's desire.

When I open my eyes and I find Jude's bawling his eyes out but with the most gorgeous smile planted on his lips he says it. “Three.”

We both lean in, blowing at the candles that leads us to our future together, that contains a promise to love each other everyday, to respect each other, never give up on each other. ;It's a promise, _it's a yes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....I might or might not have cried at the end.  
>  PS: next chapter will be posted next week (I think monday or tuesday)  
> PS of PS: I know you've all missed G. don't even deny it.. :)


	5. 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1300 words of Jonnor fluff

Jude's pov.

 

He's looking at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world, like he needs me more than the air he's breathing. There's only one way to describe the light sparkling in his eyes and that's unconditional happiness.

“I love you.” It's just a whisper but despite the softness of his voice streaming loud and clear in my head, is still capable of making me feel butterflies filling my stomach at the thought of this man, who's laying in my bed with his fingers vigorously intertwined with mine, as the person I'm spending the rest of my life with.

“I love you too.” My voice comes out feeble and almost inaudible but he catches it, smiling softly at the intimacy of the moment. There's no one else in the apartment but still, our low pitched voices echoing through the room as we face each other in my bed, wrapped in our cocoon, makes the moment even more intimate and precious.

He lifts up my hand and with a brightful smile creeping on his lips, he lays a kiss just above my ring. “I can't believe this is happening.” He says, breathing out a content sigh. Despite it's been hours since I've said yes, the emotions of the moment are still running loud and vivid across our eyes, his hazel ones are, indeed, clearer than I've ever seen it. “Me neither.”

He snuggles closer to me, kissing my nose as he wraps his arm around my waist. He gives a happy sigh closing his eyes, as his soft breaths quickly fills the silence of the room.

I close my eyes too, even though I'm aware that the chance of getting some sleep are highly unlikely. I can still hear my heart pounding like a hammer inside of my chest when one particular moment flows through my mind; Connor kneeling in front of me, few hours before, and with eyes with eyes filled with tears he has asked me to make him the happiest man on this earth. There's no need to tell what my answer was, also because the constricting lump in my throat barely allowed me to breathe regulary in that moment. I just dropped on my knees, kissing the hell out of him. We ended up on the carpet, unable to pull away from each other and Making love on that carpet several times and then on the couch until we've reached the last stop of our sex marathon aka: my bed.

We've been staring at each other like two idiots for an hour or so, with a wide smile firm planted on our lips as our eyes were communicating everything we needed to say out loud. I open my eyes, officially giving up on my pointless attemp of getting some sleep, looking instead at the gorgeous man laying next to me. I give a soft spontaneous giggle as the thought of  living moments like these for the rest of our lives, makes me feel exhilarated.

“Stop staring at me.” He whines as his eyes are slowly fluttering open.

“I'm not.”  
“Sure you aren't.” He smiles before saying with amusement filling his voice. “Go to sleep.”

“I will. _You_ go to sleep.” The pout on my lips makes him laugh softly as he lifts up his hand, kissing my ring again.

“I Won't be able to go back to sleep, if you keep doing that..”

“I can't help it.” He sighs happily. “I've never been so happy in my entire life.”

My heart is officially losing beats. “Oh Con-”  
“Don't cry.” he shakes his head, laughing softly as his hand trails upwards from my hip until it rests on my cheek, taking care of the wetness there.

“THese are happy tears.”

“I'm sure of it..” He concedes before adding. “But what are you going to do on our wedding day, then?” His voice is filled with amusemend and genuine curiosity, and honestly it's hard to picture how it's going to be.

“Oh God... don't-” I give an amused giggle before saying. “I Can't even imagine... the guests will probably be all laughing at me.” I give him a stern look, before adding. “Including my soon to be husband.” The words feels so sweet as they slip out of my lips. Connor raises an eyebrow, clearly interested by my assertion. “ Why is that? ”

I give a loud sigh, shaking my head. “Have you met me? I will probably need one of those magnetic boards.”  
“What for?” Connor laughter are flowing through the room. I love his laugh and even though it's 4 am and we probably need to get some sleep, I would rather lay in this bed and listen to his angelic sounds for my whole life.

“To write my vows-” My eyes widen in shock, jokingly slapping him on his arm. “Stop laughing!”  
He rolls over, laying on his back as he wraps his arms around his own stomach, trying to sober up. “Connor, I'm warning you.”  
“Oh... Oh God.” he closes his eyes, wiping underneath his eyes. “I... Can't- Oh God.”  
His eyes flutter open as he looks at me for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He must have noticed the pout of my lips because he tries to sober up.. but then, he bursts out in laughter all over again.

“Okay I'm officially reconsidering this wedding thing.”  
He suddenly sobers up from his outburst, looking at me with eyes blown wide as a threatening shadow is flashing across them. He lifts up on his elbows, looking at me sternly, as a subtle smirk is creeping upon his lips. “What did you just say?”

His hand reaches over my hip and before realizing it, I'm crashed by his weight as he climbs on top of me. He grabs me by my wrists, pushing down with his hips as he creates delicious friction between our bodies. I suddenly feel.. hot.  
“I'm waiting for an answer.. Mr. Soon to be. Adam Foster Stevens.”

He whispers against my neck as the sound of the worlds, sweetly slipping out of his lips almost makes me swoon by excitement. I can't wait for that day.

“I love you.”  
The soft laugh escaping his lips vibrates through my whole body as the soft brush of his hair on my neck is tickling me.

“Not what I asked, though.”

I close my eyes, letting out a soft moan as his lips run downward, leaving a trail of kisses along my flat stomach.

“You make me so happy.”  
He sighs softly as his hands are busy pulling down the covers, exposing my whole naked body at his mercy.

“Right answer to the wrong question.” He counters mischievously, looking up at me with his fond, loving eyes.

“Ohh. God. My soon to be husband is such a tease.”  
“Soon to be husband.” He repeats, letting out a soft giggle. “I Like the sound of it.”  
“I like it too..” I admit, smiling down at him. “I love, though, the sound of 'My Husband' even better.”  
He climbs back up, kissing me sweetly. “I couldn't agree more Mr. 'Soon to be Mine for the rest of my life' .”

“Such a sap.” I can't control the wave of laughter as he tries to pull away from me with a pout creeping on his lips. “Why am I marrying a guy who doesn't appreciate my way with words?”  
“Not true.” He rolls his eyes, trying to hold back the smile already showing on his lips. “I appreciate your ways with.. everything.”  
“Everything, Huh?”  
The smirk on his lips doesn't leave much to imagination as he crawls back down, settling between my legs.

“Huh uh.”

This moment is pure bliss, and not only because Connor makes me scream his name in pleasure as he bobs his head up and down, but because of the words slipping out of his lips as he's doing that. Promises of serenity, happiness, safety.. and for once in my life, I believe to all of them.

 


	6. 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited it from my phone. Sorry for eventual errors. :) Enjoy!

It's been a week and the dizziness running through my whole body just doesn't go away. A lot happened in this past week and a lot more Is going to happen in the next three months, the craziest part is that I'm gonna be out of the loop. Yes, You heard me.. Connor Stevens took the reign of the planning of this wedding and he doesn't let me lay a finger on any of the details.

I got pissed, oh.. You have no idea. At first I got mad because we're going to be husbands and there's this thing called equality and just because Connor is the heir of his father business company then it doesn't mean I'm gonna let Connor pay for everything. I'm a worker, I have my paycheck and Even though is given by my soon to be husband,I don't want him to pay everything for me. So we got into this huge fight and eventually he explained his intentions. Honestly, when a man says to you that he wants to plan the whole wedding by himself because he wants to surprise you with the Wedding you've always dreamed of, And if this man has the face and features of a Greek God, how can you possibly say no to that? So we've reached a compromise; He will plan this whole wedding by himself and I will plan our honeymoon by myself, I know it's a bit unbalanced because planning a wedding requires a lot more energies and time than the honeymoon. I even suggested to help him with minor details But my soon to be husband is stubborn like hell. So in the end, we're going to get married in July. Three months. I'm going to be married with Connor Stevens in three months. In the meantime we're adjusting to the married life by living together. Yup, Connor Stevens is my roommate-- just until we found a new house-- and let me tell you, Falling asleep next to him every single night is the best thing in the whole world. Nothing makes me feel safer than his arms wrapped around me, my head resting against his firm chest as we fall asleep or, being waken up by his soft lips giving soft kisses on my cheeks. He's the master at cuddling.

I step into the crowded elevator and everyone stop talking. I can't hold back the giggle slipping out of my mouth as I lay against the wall, used to this kind of treatement. "Good morning." Some guy says. I've never met him before but I can tell he knows, Everyone knows. Ever since the news about our engagement has spread around the office, everyone treats me with gloves. Truth is that I don't need this treatement because I can take care of myself, I don't need to go tell Connor if something happen in the office, But I get what they're thinking when I'm around. 'He's marrying the boss. He will be a Stevens soon so it's better to keep our mouths shut, regardless.'  We've reached my floor and they wait for me to step outside first. The ridiculousness of this situation makes me shake my head. The amused laugh quickly turns into a gasp as I walk around my desk. My eyebrows furrow in confusion when I notice that there's a box of chocolates laying on my desk. I feel a huge smile spreading on my lips as I open the box realizing that They're my absolute favorite and I shake my head in disbilief, thinking about the sender who's in a early meeting and had me deliver my favourite chocolates. The smile on my lips grow wider as I find a small note inside, I start reading it out loud and it says, "To my favorite person in the world. -your secret admirer."

"Such a dork." I let out a content sigh as I sit down, turning on my computer and deciding to get some work done before the dork comes back from the meeting.  
 He comes back after an hour, but I'm so focused as I'm dealing with paperwork, mails and phonecalls to notice his presence. He rests with his hand on the edge of my desk, clearing his throat and then I finally dislodge my gaze from the laptop, smiling brightly at my fiancè.

“Good morning, boss.” He smiles at the professional edge filling my voice before leaning in. Just before connecting our lips, I close my eyes whispering with breathless voice. “I have to say this is highly unprofessional, sir.” He laughs, giving me a quick kiss on my lips.

“I'm the boss here.” He retorts nonchalantly before saying, “I can fuck you on your desk if I want to.”  
I can't control the wave of laughter slipping out of my lips as he sits on the edge of my desk. “I don't think my 'soon to be' father in law would agree with your proposition."  
He smiles, before reaching with his hand towards the box of chocolates, pulling out one of the box. He stands up as he slides it between his lips. “Mmh, so good.” He moans as he licks at his finger ,sending waves of desire running down my spine.  
“I know...  _someone_  has good taste.” You. My fiancè. My one and only secret admirer has good taste, and knows me better than anyone.  
He nods his head, smiling widely. “Yeah..  _someone_  is an expert in chocolate's department.” he says with a mischievous smirk on his lips as he opens the door of his office. “See you later.”

“Bye.”

***

Connor is the most thoughtful men on this planet. He's started with the chocolates box and then he had me deliver flowers at my apartment with the same note written on the card and now, I'm sitting in my car, staring with eyes blown wide in surprise at the brown teddy bear sitting on the passenger seat. I reached out for it, with trembling hands and I can't hold back the breathless laugh when I spot another note on it, and this time it says, “Nothing in this world is better than your smile. I'm waiting for you at Four Seasons Hotel. Room #220.”

“Oh my God.” I spend some minutes sitting in my car, trying to calm down the erratic pace of my hearbeats . I can't believe that Connor is doing all of this. I blink few times, just to make sure that I'm not dreaming, that all of this is real before giving a nervous  laugh caused by the whole situation.. It still seems like the scene of a sap movie. When my erratic breathing slows down I turn on the engine, driving towards the hotel where my man is waiting for me. Throghout the whole ride I can't hold back the wave of giggles coming out of my lips as I head towards my destination. I'm so happy because Connor is making all of my wishes come true, infact I've always dreamed of spending the night in this hotel but it's too much expensive so I couldn't afford it, but Connor has always known, And now he's Making it happen. This seems like a dream to me. It stills seem unreal that I've found this amazing man. Am I dreaming? He's real? I just.. never been this happy in my entire life and I'm so scared that this happiness would burst away someday.

  
“Hello.” I say to the lady at the reception. “Um.. number 220.”  
“Yes.” She says, handing me the magnetic key.” I've been told. Sixth floor."  "Thank you."  
I step into the elevator with my heart beating an erratic pace as it reaches the designed floor. It feels so weird and exciting.. Connor and this "secret admirer" thing makes me feel excited like a teenager. When I'm standing right outside of that door, though, a strange feeling starts creeping inside of my chest. I stop on my tracks, breathing sharply as I feel my hand shaking.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous." I hear myself giving a nervous giggle as Some droplets of sweat are running down my forehead. I don't know what it is but something inside of my mind is beeping like an alarm. I suddenly feel uneasy, Not so eager to step through that door anymore. The only logical explanation I can give to justify this kind of anxiety running over my body is that it must be the excitement. I'm excited so It's natural that I feel like I can't breathe.. That must be it. There's Connor behind this door so I don't know why I suddenly feel like going home.. I start breathing through my nose, taking deep breaths. I love surprises but it always make me feel like I'm walking on clouds,  Excited but afraid of the unknown. I give a soft sigh, opening the door. The moment I walk inside of the luxurious suite My eyes gets huge at the sight of petal of roses leading the way towards a closed door and all the anxiety magically bursts away. As I walk towards the door I hear my breath getting shorter as I take off my shirt, expecting to find Connor naked in those expensive sheets. 

I close my eyes, resting my hand on the the doorknob and in that exact moment, my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket, smiling widely as  I read the ID caller. I open the door, stepping inside as I say: "I'm here babe."

"Glad you made it."

I suddenly feel like dying. My hand starts shaking as Connor keeps asking me where I am, and why there's a man with me and why the hell I called him babe but I suddenly can't form a sentence, I can't utter a word even though my mouth opens and closes few times. I can't speak. This is so messed up. The most messed up part? Gabriel. Psyco, crazy, Gabriel made me think that it was Connor who was sending me gift with the purpose of achieving his goal: tricking me into coming here .

"Jude, my darlin." he smiles as he gets up from the bed, walking towards me.

"Jude!?"

"Con-" my voice finally comes out through a shaky gasp. " Oh God."

"I can't believe.. H-How could you." Connor's voice breaks into a sob while I'm trying to think fastly about how to get out of here. He's coming to me and I can't move. Everything feels like playing on slow motion. He walks slowly, savouring the looks of pure horror on my face. During those moments of terror, I think about Connor.. My fiancè, the love of my life.. Thinking that I- .... I wouldn't.. He has to believe me.. Gabriel reaches for my phone, stealing it away from my shaky hands. He looks at me with eyes dilated and extremely red that makes me think that he's high as fuck in this exact moment. I feel air leaving my lungs as as he says to Connor with voice filled with sick amusement., "Sorry bud, we're kind in the middle of something here."

no, no, no, no!

I give a quick glance at the open door but before I can even think of rushing outside of that room Gabriel notices the direction of my gaze and he grabs me by my arm, trapping me between his body and the door behind me, closing it with the weight of my body pressed against it. My phone falls on the floor and before the screen goes completely black I hear myself giving a loud scream out of my throat as desperation fill my whole body. " Connor, please help me!"

 


	7. 7.

Pain.

Unbearable pain is flooding through my whole body.

I can't breathe, I can't talk, I can't function.

"Connor.. Please sit down."

My gaze trails down on Mariana, currently sitting on my leather couch.. I have six pair of eyes looking at me as I furiously pace around the room.

They are worried. It's understandable.

Beside erratically crossing the room, I haven't spoken a word since the line has gone dead.. 

I shake my head at my own choice of words. I don't want to even think About death right now.

Jude's.. _Safe._

I have to believe it despite the awful, heart clenching, scenarios are flowing through my mind.

"Connor." My father's voice breaks the train of thoughts playing into my mind as he orders me to sit. His tone is different by Mariana's. Is resolute. Commanding. It's an order.

 I'm reclutantly sitting down on the coffee table facing the three of them.

We've been sitting here for two hours.

The first thing I've done since the cops left building was calling Jude's family.. His mother is devastated. She kept crying over the phone asking where his baby was and I.. Couldn't tell her, because I failed.

I couldn't keep him safe. 

I should have protected him at all costs. I should have asked him, talked to him..

Why Jude? Where are you? Why did you feel the need to run away from me? Why put yourself in such danger?

The clock keeps ticking and I feel like losing my mind.

I have no lead. I don't know where to even start looking for him but I can't sit here either and doing nothing. Not when Jude's life is on danger.

"Where are you going?"

I've already crossed the room and about to open the door when my father's voice makes me stop on my tracks.

"I.." My throat ache as My voice breaks into a sob. "I just need to find him."

 My father sighs as he gets up, he reaches for me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 

"Listen, We're all worried about Jude and we all want to find him But we should let the police doing their job. I know it's hard, and I can only imagine how worried and hurt you are right now.. But we should keep calm and just wait."

My father is the wisest man I've ever man. He always know the most appropriate --and right--  thing to say, but right now my mind is completely empty. There's only one thing that's haunting me and it's finding Jude.

"Oh Connor.." Mariana sobs as she runs into my direction, hugging me tightly as soon as she sees hot tears running down my cheeks.

 I want Jude. I need Jude to be okay. I want my fiancè safe and alive. I just need him to be okay.

"They'll find him." Mariana sighs, gently caressing my hair. "You'll see.."

"Why did he run away? Why, Mariana?" My voice breaks into a sob as I hide my face into her hair.

"I don't know.." She replies with honesty. "What I know is that Jude loves you."

"Maybe he freaked out." 

She shakes her head veheemently. 

"He wouldn't."

"How do you know?" Yeah, Mariana.. How do you know? Jude had had doubts before.. Maybe he freaked out. Maybe we were rushing things and he didn't want to upset me. Maybe he felt pressured and he needed space.. But why not telling me? Why running away? Why.. Fall into the rabbit hole?

"Because." Mariana says with resolution filling her voice. "We've been talking few days ago and he said some things to me.." 

"What things?"

She gives a soft laugh as she shakes her finger.

"I won't tell you."

"You have to, Mariana.. Please."

"But then I'll have to break our pinkie promise.."

I feel my whole body draining out of patience as I groan.

"Mariana.. My fiancè is missing.. I don't even know if I'm gonna see him again.." 

I break into tears as I beg her with pleading voice.

"Please, tell me something that can make me forget, even for a second, that Jude is out there with some psychopathic asshole. Please, I'm begging you."

She nods her head as she wipes undeneath her eyes.

"Okay." She says with broken voice as a feeble smile creeped over her lips. "I'm gonna tell you."

 

 

####

 

"Hello Judicorn."

He smiled at me. God, his smile.. I've never seen him like this. He looked like the sun lighting up the whole planet.

"Hey Mari." 

He was busy scrolling some pages on his Ipad and I was too curious so I sat on the edge of his desk as I usually do when I come here..

"Honeymoon locations, huh?"

He smiled at me, never breaking eye contact with the screen.

"Yes. I need to work hard to impress Mr. Stevens right there." 

He laughed as he nodded with his head in your office direction.

"Ohh, sounds juicy.. Have you find any interesting locations yet?"

He smirked nonchalantly as he nodded.

"I might.."

 "Do tell!"

"No!" Jude laughed loudly. "I'm not gonna tell you."

"But.. I'm your sister in law."

He shook his head, giving an amused laugh as he raised an eyebrow.

"No you're not."

"Yet."

"Still." Jude laughed. "I'm not gonna tell you.."

"Oh.. No Mariana, don't pout."

"Please? Please? Please, please, please?"

"Okay.." He sighed loudly as he gestured me to come closer. I leant over until my ear was at lever with his mouth.. He laughed softly And then he told me.

 

#### 

 

"You're smiling."

"I.. Just can't believe he planned to go there for our honeymoon.. I've always wanted to go to--"

The conversation between my sister and I gets brutally interrupted as my phone starts ringing.

I stare blankly at the ID caller for few endless seconds, before picking up the phonecall.

"Hello detective.."

"Connor." His voice is tense and nervous. This is not good.

"There's any news about my fiancè?"

"Um.. You should come to the police station."

My heart pikes up its heartbeats. My stomach starts twitching until I feel like throwing up.

"What's going on?"

"You should come here." 

"Is this about Jude? Have you found him?" 

"Connor..."

Okay, I've officially run out of patience. I want Jude!

"Tell me what the fuck is going on detective Pinto!"

"We found his car near the pond." 

I'm going to throw up.. I'm going to pass out. I-- 

"His phone, his clothes.. We found them. My team is sweeping the area and--"

"What are you saying is that..  Jude might be.. in the pond ?" I can't even form the sentence without stuttering. This whole situation feels absurd. _Jude's not in there._ He can't be.

_My fiancè is alive._

I close my eyes, feeling my heart beating so erratically that It would most likely burst out of my chest. I can't even think of such possibily. No. I just can't. Jude.. Jude is not in there.

"We're taking into account a lot of theories.."

"Based on nothing. I told you who the responsible is."

"Mr. Stevens.." His voice sounds as tired as mine, but he's not the one coming home and finding an empty house. At the end of the day, he'll come home to his husband. I won't.

"You have to find him!" Tears rush over my cheeks as Exhasperation takes over my whole body. "I want my fiancè alive!"

 


	8. 8.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of mature subjects in this chapter.

So this is it.

Call it crazy, absurd, unreal, but I can't believe I'm about to do this. I can't believe it I'm about to say goodbye to him.

Tears spill down my eyes at the thought, a tight knot forms in my throat.

I can't even say it. When did I become such a weak ass?

I close my eyes, releasing few deep breaths and I keep staring absent mindedly outside of the huge window glass. I don't know what I'm looking at, my gaze is drawn to a random spot in the sky when the sun shines bright and warm.

There are not  clouds visible in the sky, a nice contradiction from the raging storm flooding inside of me in this very moment.

_When he told me, I experienced what it'd feel like if my heart along with my vital organs got ripped out of my body._

 

###

"Mr. Stevens? Can your hear me?"

Detective Pinto's voice snaps me back from my moment of haze.

I'm still trying to process what he just said, Find a way to make sense to it.

I feel my legs buckling and I think I'm gonna pass our right here, in his office, where he called me for telling me that.. 

I gulp down some saliva, finding very hard to utter out the words miserably stuck in my throat.

"Y-You found him?"

He inhales deeply before saying. "I told you, Mr. Stevens, that my men are working on it.. And, yes.."

My chest hurts at the confirm dripping slowly off his mouth, said with such carefulness that takes my breath away.

"We found a body."

I look at him for what I'd like to call the longest four seconds of my life.

There's a heavy silence falling on us as he awkwardly looks at his fiddling hands.

I feel my lips slightly part as I prepare myself for the fatidic question.

 _"_ Because I need to know, _I have to.._ But surprisingly –no, not really-- nothing comes out.

My mind suddenly goes blank, my head feels heavy and a jolt of headache hits me with a brutal force, I feel my whole body shudder with the force of it.

"Is he--"

I bit my tongue, cutting off my own words because I can't hear this. I want to but at the same time I can't hear that my fiancè is _dead._

I'm not gonna survive this. I'll never survive this if that's true..

"The corp has been brought to the morgue and you'll have to.."

"No."

He takes a step towards me and I fold my arms around myself as a shied. He takes a step closer trying to calm me down but I keep shaking my head, like to clear it, to snap back from this, to wake up from this nightmare.

"Connor."

"No!"

"Listen.."

_"He's not dead."_

My voice is completely calm. It's calm and firm and no tears are not streaming down my face. Absolutely not.

"I won't recognize the body because Jude's not dead."

"Connor." He says as he rests his hand on my arm. 

"Don't fucking touch me, and don't fucking tell me to pay a visit there and what? Recognize Jude's corp in a fucking morgue because Jude's..." 

I trail off, forcing the words out of my throat through a raw Grunt.

I give him a forceful push to get him out of the way. He looks at me with wide eyes.

"Jude. Is. Not... _Dead!_  “

No one is prepared for my reaction, neither am I to be honest.. The last conscious thing I feel is anger flare up through my whole body and then.. It's like a tornado spinning right through me and my surroundings. Destructive and uncontrollable.

"Mr. Stevens!" 

I can barely hear his voice ordering me to sit down and breathe, to stop doing immediately what I'm doing and my mind is completely blank, my sight blurred and clouded with tears.

My whole body shakes through brutal sobs and my hands starts gripping things like files, pencil case, frames... _Throwing all of it on the floor._

I hear voices and noises but Nothing more than that.. I can barely hear my own voice, considering the white noise playing in my ears. The whole room is spinning around me or I spin around the room, I can't really tell in this moment because.. It's like my body moves on its own accord. _D_ _enial playing like a bell into my head._

"It can't be. It can't."

I hear then Detective Pinto's voice ordering me once again to calm down or there will be serious repercussions while two men of his equipe brutally hold me still me by my arms..

"he's not dead!" My face gets completely wetted by tears as his men take me out of the room. 

"Mister Stevens you need to calm down!"

Mariana's out in the hallways, she watches me as They drag me out and she runs towards me.

"Connor!"

Her arms wrap around my shoulders and The moment after he soft looking blouse is completely wetted by my tears.

"He can't be dead."

She doesn't know what to say, she doesn't want to believe either.. But like she says 15 minutes later as we sit on the cold chairs in the waiting room. "Connor, there's only one way to find out."

###

 

When I look at the body, laying on that cold table, I honestly feel a lot of things.

On the surface there's clearly anger like I'm so fucking enraged that I'd probably grab him by his neck and strangle him if he wasn't already dead.. Then there's the clothes thing.. He's wearing Jude's clothes and that's just creepy, disgusting and weird and.. The worst of thought crosses my mind and It makes me feel nauseous, my stomach twists with disgust as The thought of those disgusting hands touching him and undressing my fiancè floods through my mind.

I'm enraged with anger and pissed and confused because on this table, deceased and finally out of our lives, _there's Gabriel Donovan._

Now the big question is.. Where's Jude?

###

 

So here's the thing. Bear with me because this is just confusing as it is.

Gabriel Abudcted Jude. He decieved him before luring him to that hotel and he kept him there against his own will.

He.. That fucking bastard tried to rape him and it almost succeeded but when he saw Jude, half naked and laying in a fetal position on the floor, shaking like a leaf I guess something flicked in that devious mind because he had a melt down scaring Jude to death.

Jude still wouldn't share all the details of that night because it has obviously scarred him for life.

So Gabriel had a meltdown, he started crying and begging for Jude's forgiveness and started saying shit like:

"I don't deserve to live." Or. "I'm a horrible human being."

He of course noticed that Jude was completely unresponsive so he gathered Jude's clothes, put them on before grabbing my fiancè by his arm, pulling him up.

Jude being weak and fearing the worst obviously hadn't the strenght to defend himself. He tried to slap his hand away but Gabriel was  tall and strong as a brickwall. It was just a losing battle for Jude.

He tied him to the desk chair and put a bandage over his mouth and he just.. Left him there. The last thing Jude saw before passing out of exaustation and fear was Gabriel giving one last look at his tied body, a freak smile on his face before grabbing Jude's car keys.. After that Jude's eyes fell close and the sound of a door closing was the last thing he'd heard before falling into oblivion.

I tried so much, when he told me about all this stuff, to not cry But watching The love of my life trembling for dear life as he said. 

"I thought that was _it,_ Connor. I closed my eyes and I thought I was never going to see you again. Then When I thought everything was lost I heard them coming in."

He always refers to the police officers by _them._

"They found me and--" 

He'd broke down, when he told me.. Couldn't accept that they found him tied to a chair, in only his underwear and even though his mouth was covered  Jude was screaming through his eyes. I didn't see it, but just imagining the way his sweet eyes scream for help it's enough to give me nightmares till my last breath of life.

 

The moment Officer Pinto gave me the _item_ , I knew I was going to throw it into the garbage as soon as it made contact with my hands.

"We found this in his car."

The stuffed bear laying innocently in my hands gives me a sharp pain resembling a stab in my heart.

When I get to read the note, I don't know what my face was doing in that moment but it made Officer Pinto give a painful snort as he took it away.

"T-That's how he lured him? By this--"

I couldn't even get the words out. It made me sick just thinking about that psyco mind had worked while planning this sick plan.

"Yes." He confirmed me. "Jude clearly thought it was from you."

I remember closing my eyes and take deep breaths in a pathetic attempt to slow down the erratic pace of my heartbeat and that was _really_ a pathetic attempt because when Pinto's phone rang and after humming some words to the person on the other end of the phone, he looked at me and said.

"We found him."

_Him as Jude._

I clearly remember the knot forming in my throat at the words that laid there. Luckily Detective Pinto's helped me out by laying a hand on my shoulder.

"He's alive."  

 

Logically, I would feel relieved.. Which I was, relieved that Jude was alive and I was going to hold him and take care of him and most important info: _"He's alive."_

"Jude."

I remember saying to no one in particular.. Maybe to him, because he was there just standing Across from me or to God for keeping him alive, for _bringing him back to me._

We spent a long moment just staring at each other and I could clearly notice the way he was trembling from beneath the thin blanket wrapped around his small frame.

I'll never forget, even If I want to, the look of emptiness on his face and the blankness in his eyes.

I wasn't expecting a hug or kiss, even though the primal instict as soon as I saw him was to run to him to hold him and never let him go, but from the look of fragility on his face I knew that was a dangerous move so I took a hesitant step towards him and I noticed the way his fingers inconsciously curled tighter around the blanket.

I knew I had to be careful.

"Jude.. Baby. It's me."

I don't know why I said that because he knew who I was and the small smile on his face confirmed me the exact same thing.

"Connor."

 

I know what's expecting me as soon as I'll turn around because I pictured the scene in my head enough times to know what I'll feel and I guess I should be prepared --even if in my fantasy it ended up always in the same way-- for this so I gather all the courage I possibly need for this and.. And I finally face him.

_"I'm going."_

I know.

"Okay."

He gives this painful snort out of his throat as he tightens the grip he has on the strap of his backpack.

I watch him shifts and I know that he will..

"Don't." He stops on his tracks giving a short intake of breath as he looks at me with that guilt in his eyes and I suddenly feel like shit because I need to remind myself that this is what he needs, that his health matters the most.

He starts crying and at this point I break down too.

_"Why do I feel like this is a goodbye?"_

At his words I start sobbing and I'm no longer able to hold myself back.

I stride across the room and my lips fall on his own, he gives a wet sigh against my mouth as he laces his fingers through my hair.

"It's not" I tell him as I gently cup his cheeks. "No matter what happens, we got this."

"I feel like I'm running away.." 

My thumb starts drawing soothing circles on his cheek.

"You're not. It will be good for you to stay with your family for a while.." He opens his mouth to reply but my finger falls on it, gently shutting him up.

"You know it's the right thing to do."

"I know."

"Just promise me something. Promise that you're gonna call me everyday."

He doesn't reply, he just looks down at his hands on my chest.

"Jude.."

He sighs before looking up, his teary eyes locking with mine as he promises with a feeble edge in his voice that doesn't make it sound like he's truly convinced of his own words.

"I promise."

 


	9. 9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted chapter 8 and 9 in a row.  
> Read chapter 8 before this one :)

It's been days since Jude came home in San Diego and since he's sent me a quick: _"I've just got home, goodnight."_ I've never heard from him ever since.

"I don't understand." I tell Mariana at lunch break.

We decided to grab pizza and eat it in my office, a very nice tradition I'm not willing to let go since.. _Fuck._ Mariana looks worried as I almost choke on my slice of pizza.

"He needs space, Connor."

"I know.. And I'm giving him space but he promised he'd call me."

"Maybe he doesn't feel like to.."

I can't hold back the hollow snort escaping my lips as I fill a glass of wine.

"Doesn't feel like what exactly, Mariana? Talk to his fiancè.. since you know it's been four days since the last time we've had a proper conversation? Besides.. _He promised me."_

She doesn't say anything at that but she does arch an eyebrow at the whining way I've told her that Jude promised me to call.

On day six I give in. I step by Jessica's desk, my new intern-assistant, on my way to the elevator.

"I'm going to San Diego. Call me if you need me.”

"B-But sir.” She stutters as she fix her glasses above her nose. “ the budget meeting with your father at--"

"My father will understand." I cut her off sharply with a confident smile on my lips before heading out without saying anything else.

Every word said is a minute wasted, besides, dad will understand..

 

_My father doesn't understand._

"Yeah.. Dad, I get it."

I get it, I really do.. 

"No, you don't get it."

I tell him in a frustrated tone as I climb out of my rented car.

"Listen, I really need to go now. I'll be back tomorrow. Okay."

I roll my eyes at my father's raccomandation to behave. Jesus,I'm not a kid anymore.

"Yes, dad okay." I give a quick look to Jude's parents house standing few feet away from me.

"I need to go, bye." 

 

There's a odd jolt of anxiety rushing through me as I knock on this door which I can't seem to understand the reason of it.

I'm going to see my fiancè, my Jude, my next to be husband, why do I feel like I'm out of place?

"Hello, Mrs Jacob."

She freezes at first, then a warm smile spreads on her lips.

"Connor!" 

I can't help but raises an eyebrow at her tone, she does sound surprise to see me and even a bit.. Uncomfortable about it? _What's going on?_

"Wasn't expecting you."

She states the obvious as she starts giggling nervously. She keeps standing on the threeshold without showing any intention to let me in And it's weird, to be honest, because since the moment I've met Jude's parents, not to brag or anything, but they kind of fallen in love with me so this is a bit weird, but I realize that I've came to see Jude so as long as I get to see him..

"Can I see Jude?" 

She sighs as she closes the door, resting wih her back against it as soon as it's firmly closed behind her.

"Is this you telling me that I'm not allowed to see him? Is this what is all about?"

I can't refrain the comical laugh that escapes my lips and I feel a bit like an asshole when she vehemently shakes her head, her tiny hand coming to rest on my foreharm in a motherly way.

"Oh no, honey, I promise it's definitely not like that."

"Then what is it? Why he doesn't want to see me or hear from me.."

The looks on her face shows that her heart is almost broke as mine as I start crying before her eyes.

"Connor..." She leans in until I'm shaking in her arms, and I know. I'm aware that's definitely the least manly thing to do, to Cry into my fiancè's mother arms but I can't help it. I want to know what's going on..

"We tried to convince him." She whispers into my hair as her fingers gently stroke the strands. "But you know how stubborn he is. He won't tell us anything more than _'I can't do this to him."_

"I-- don't want to be pushy. I know he needs space and I'm giving it to him but I just need to know he's okay.. Is he?"

She gently pulls away and she rests her hands on my shoulders, her eyes locking with mine as she says.

"Things will get better. Time heals every wounds.."

"You're not answering my question though."

She gives a loud sigh and then, after throwing a quick glance to the driveway she says.

"Come on."

She grabs me by my arms.

"B-But I thought--"

"He's at his doctor's appointment." She opens the door, pulling me inside.

"We wait for him to come home."

"Thank you."

She smiles sadly before gesturing me to sit down on the huge black couch in the living room. She sits down with me, patting me on my shoulder as she sighs.

"Don't thank me yet." 

We sit there for the longest time in complete silence until she finally breaks it.

"The worst thing are the nightmares." Her voice trembles as she says. 

"He usually awakes in the middle of the night by screaming Gabriel's name."

I close my eyes trying to calm down the anger flaring up in the pit of my stomach as she goes on.

This.. Makes me sick. That man scarred Jude's life for good.

"He cries and--" she chokes up as tears run down her cheeks. "And then he says that he can't do this to.. _Someone."_

"Someone?"

She nods her head as she tells me.

 _"I can't do this to you_. T-that's what he says."

"Do this to who? To Gabriel?"

"I don't know. We of course ask him in the morning but it catches him off guard like he doesn't remember anything happened overnight.”

"Has he ever talked about me?" I know this sounds selfish but I need to know what's going on between us, what he thinks, what he feels..

"We've asked him a lot about you.. We.. We were mostly concerned about you two." She confesses shifting her gaze from my eyes to her lap.

She takes a soft sigh before telling me.

"He never replies to those questions. He just looks away and excuses himself before going up to his room."

"So what does this mean." I ask her with fear shaking me through my bones.

"That's it? We're through? I.. I don't understand.. He wouldn't talk to me or reply to my texts or calls.. I--"

_"Mom."_

His unmistakable voice comes through and it makes me wonder how the hell haven't we heard him.

He looks at me with blank eyes, not even looking surprised to find me here.

I can look at him just until my eyes start stinging at the realization that this is _Jude_ standing on the threshold but at the same time, _he's not_.

_He's not my Jude._

His mom leaves the room without say a word and when we're finally alone, I can't help but stand up.

He doesn't seem affected by my sudden movement and he doesn't move from his spot, he looks at me with a weird --unreadable-- look on his face before I watch him fold his arms around himself when I decide to take a hesitant step forward to him. 

"Jude."

"Hi, Connor."

 When I get to meet his eyes, _Everything_.. The unanswered calls and text, the agony I've felt during this week, it all fade away because _It's Jude,_ breathing and live and beautiful like he's ever been, standing in front of me so It comes natural to me to reach for his hand and..

"D-Don't."

My hand freezes midair as a incredolous snort escapes my lips.

"What?"

He doesn't reply so I just ask him, very clearly and directly what the hell is going on.

His eyes flutter close as he leans against the doorframe, probably looking for support.

"I can't do this."

"Do what Jude? I'm just here for you and--"

"I know!" He shouts and really.. I mean, really?! I've came here for him and he just looks like he wishes for me to be miles and miles away from him. What the hell? Is he seriously mad that I'm here to see him?

"I know you're here for me and you shouldn't!"

Okay at this point I'm genuinely confused and a bit pissed to be honest.

"You don't want me here?"

He snorts as he runs his hands over his face. I hear him breathing heavily from beneath them and then he says, voice apparently calm and labored.

"Why.. Why are you like this?"

What the..

"Like what?"

"Like this!" He groans as he gestures in my direction with his hands.

"Why are you this perfect, why.. " he starts crying and my heart breaks at the wrecked sobs escaping his lips.

"You.. You should go."

"Jude."

In a matter of a second I lose my dignity for good and I know.. I know I'm being treated like shit and I know deep down where this is headed but I drop on my knees anyway and I don't care if he's going to slap my touch away but I grab his hand anyway.

"Jude... Jude don't do this."

He cries harder, looking at some undefinied point on the ceiling, closing off completely as he tries to escape from my words, _from me._

"We're a team." I tell him as tears start gathering at the corner of my eyes.

"I'm your fiancè."

I can feel hm shudder as he closes his eyes, tight, as soon as the word echoes through the room.

"I know things are tough for you right now but please, Jude, Please _let me in._ "

He finally opens his eyes and finally.. He looks down at the kneeling man across from him.

"I just want to be here for you. I just want to give you everything you deserve, Jude."

"I c-can't do this to _you,_ Connor. I can't."

I can't hold back the frustrated groan slipping off my lips as I hold his hand a bit tighter, maybe afraid that He would escape from me in a matter of a minute and maybe my forebolding isn't that insane because he does shifts away from me and it makes me feel cold shivers running down my spine when he gives me a long, sad look and after exhaling a deep intake of breath... he finally speaks.

_"I'm so sorry, Connor."_

 


	10. 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8-10 posted in a row.. make sure you read the previous chapters before this one.

  


"Are you--"

I swallow down some saliva trying to fight back the lump that has formed in my throat.

I can't even let those words out because this all seems unreal.

"Are you breaking up with me? S-Seriously Jude? After what all we've gone through--"

"That's the whole point, Connor." He breathes out as he goes on. "Don't you get it? Since the moment we started dating I've always been a complication for you."

"What the fuck does that even mean, Jude? Are you.. Oh my God, I can't believe we're seriously having this conversation."

I get up on my feet to hold his face between my hands, holding up his chin so that he can't get away from this. He needs to look at me when he says those things.

"Don't do that." He tells me with broken voice. "Don't pretend like I haven't. The whole G-" he trails off to give a pained breath before saying. " _The whole thing_ was completely fucked up. I'm fucked up and I've always dragged you all along in this mess that is my life and--"

his voice breaks in a loud cry as he says.

"You deserve so much more than this, _than me_."

"I love you." I tell him as my own eyes gets teary once again as I witness the pain on Jude's face and into his eyes.

"That's what matters. I don't care about that.. I mean yes, I care about that but I want to be able to help you move on from all of this.

It's over, Jude. He won't hurt us anymore.. Now you just need to be okay and then we can move on with our lives, together."

He looks like he hasn't even registered or even comprehended

what I've just said to him.

"He's always wanted to make me feel like no one but him deserved to love me and he did, Connor. In the end, that bastard did it."

"That's not.. that's not true, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to experience happiness, you deserve me. I want to be there for you, in sickness and in health.. In good and bad times, that's what it's all about, am I right?"

he gives a small nod that makes hope swell inside of my chest..

"I-Is that a yes? You're gonna have faith in us?"

He gives a low chuckle as he counters.

"How can I not?"

I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my entire life.

"How can I not have faith in you?" He gives a weak smile before suggesting to sit down on the couch.

We sit down and I feel a warm glow inside when his head falls against my shoulder.

He sighs loudly before closing his eyes.

"Jude, talk to me.. Tell me what you feel.. It's the only way of making this work."

And I'm still surprised by the turns of events because until two minutes ago He was about to break up with me and everything feels so fragile but at the same time I don't want to walk on eggshells when it comes to him, it's not helpful to him and to us.

"I don't want you to wait.."

"I'm gonna wait, Jude.. As long as I know you'll be coming home to me, I'm willing to wait my entire life."

Cheesy but that's the truth.

"I'd rather wait years for you to get well than be without you."

Then I notice that he's gone still next to me, his lips are slightly parted as he exhales small puffs of air, his eyes huge and frightened looking at some random spot on the soft looking carpet.

he looks lost in his thoughts as One solitary tear rests at the corner of his eye, threatening to fall down.

“It will be okay.” I tell him. “Hey.. Jude.”

He looks up and he gives a wet laugh when I lay a soft kiss on his nose.

“ _We got this.”_

“We got this.” He says with a soft smile on his lips as he threads our fingers together.

 

Jude's mom asks if I'd like to stay for dinner and after checking with Jude through a questioning look, he tightens the hold he has on my hand before giving a soft nod of his head.

The dinner procedes very smoothly, Jude's mom and his father looks relieved about Jude's random smiles and small attempts of keeping up with the various conversations.

He grabs my hand from underneath the table once in a while and I notice from the corner of my eye, how his eyes get brighter for a split second before looking away from our hands.

 

“So..” He says as he lays against the side of my rented car.

“So.”

He smiles as he pulls me close, his hands folding into the back pockets of my jeans.

“ _I'm going.”_

He gives a nod of awkwnoledgement as to say _I know_ and then he says.

“ _Okay.”_

I want to say it but at the same time, I'm aware that maybe is too much.. I should give him space and...

“I love you, you know?”  
He smiles as soon as the words leave his lips and I know the reason of it.

My tears. Fuck.

“I love you too, so much that.. fuck I'm such a mess.”

I feel so relieved that we're giving this another shot, that we're giving ourself the chance to be happy, _together._

I don't think I'd ever been this scared in my entire life, the fear of losing him for the second time was too much to bear.

I experienced what would be like and I literally felt like dying. I couldn't sleep or eat or breathe. It was like been deprived of my heart and without it, what's gonna be left of me, anyway?

“Connor?” He breathes softly against my neck, his soft lips tickling the skin there..

“Yes?”  
“Can I call you tonight?"

"You know you can always call me. I wanted to ask you to but I thought you needed some space."

"I want that. I want space because I need to do this on my own, Con.. Now that he's dead, I need to slay my own demons and only then I'll be ready for you. _I promise you_ that as soon as I know, for sure, I'll come back to you."

"I'll be patiently waiting for that day to come."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't be easier to just--"

"Jude, not this again. Do you want me?"

"Yes!"

"Do you want to be stuck for the rest of your life with me?" 

He gives a low chuckle against my neck, the soft sounds slipping off his lips gently vibrates against my skin, making me shiver with delight.

"Yes.."

"Then fuck the rest. We're gonna get through everything together."

 _"Everything."_ He hums against my neck and then I feel his eyelashes softly flutter close against my skin. _"Together."_

#####

 

It has been really hard at first to settle into this new routine and to The transition from spending every minute of my day with Jude to Adjust to his absence, but after two months I've managed to finally get my shit together and that's how my life is right now.

Home then work then home then random working things like dinner with clients or charity events and then home again, call from Jude, and then straight to bed.

It's a cold friday of december when it happens.

I'm freezed on the threshold of our apartment's door being suddenly unable to step inside.. There's something I can't quite catch, something different.

I take a hesitant step inside and everything seems right in place, maybe it's just me or the glass of wine I had before coming home that's making me see abstract things, like this smell in the air that.. I dunno, it's something I've never smelled before. 

I give a sigh before dropping my keys on the kitchen table, I don't even bother and flick the lights on.

I hear myself yawning on my way to the bedroom, I loose up my tie and get rid of my jacket throwing it on the floor as soon as I get inside of the room.

_"I've always told you to not discharge your clothes on the floor."_

"Holy fucking--"

The light goes on and I see him, sitting perfectly still on our bed. His face bright as he shakes his head with a hint of fake disappointment flashing across his face that quickly turns into a happy smile, probably amused by the the look of bewilderment on my face. 

I close my mouth and then I watch him as he stoods up, his voice deliriously sexy and confidend and freaking flirtatious that makes me instantly hard in my boxer briefs.

"Hello, Connor."

He comes to a stop few inches away from me.

"Jude."

And then he kisses me. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're almost at the end.. stick around for the last chapter of this series..  
> What are you expecting from chapter 11? :)


	11. Epilogue.

I know this is real, I've had a year now to come to terms with the fact that this is my life now, but I just can't help but wonder from time to time how I'd gotten so lucky.

The house is quiet, curiously so, and if I still was the man I've been for the longest part of my adult life I'd be freaking out but I'm not because I know my man, I trust my man, and I know that he'd die before hurting me like that.

I take a step into the kitchen and everything is susprisingly neat so I head towards the living room and.. _Gotcha._ Here he is. My beautiful man, laying on the couch as he seems absorbed by the pages he's looking at. I can't help but shake my head in amusement because it has become a tradition now, not that I'm complaining obviously..

I clear my throat and he looks at me with his classic breathtaking smile. 

"Hello."

He beckons me to sit down on the couch with him and when his arm encircles my shoulders I can't hold back the joyful sigh escaping my lips.

He gives a soft kiss on my forehead and then his attention is back on the album, _our wedding photo album_. He scrolls through the pages and It's something we do often, looking at those pages which holds our happiest memories.

"You looked so happy here." 

" I was. _I am._ "

I give a more careful look to my face and I can't help but lean into his warmth at the reminiscence of that day..

_"I love you." Connor told me with teary eyes clearly on the verge of bursting out in tears, not that I was exactly holding back. I was a fucking fountain._

_"I love you so much that it consumes me and I can't believe that we're finally here, that we're finally doing this. Our path hasn't been easy but we've fought every obstacle in our way together and I'm so proud of you, you know? You're my hero Jude and right now I'm having a senior moment because I swear the wedding vows I wrote were worthy of an Nobel Prize but what matters the most is that you know that this is the happiest day of my life because you and I are finally becoming a family."_

 

 

"I still remember the look on your face when you realized where the location was."

"You planned our wedding on the beach." I tell him with dreamy eyes, still remembering like it was just yesterday, how surprised I was to feel the sand underneath my feet as I walked towards him, towards out future together.

"I'm glad I surprised you in the best kind of way." Then his laugh vibrates softly against my ear when he says. "Your vows though. A really nice surprise.."

I can't help but laugh along with him as I tell him, a mischievour smirk growing across my features as I ask him.

"What? You weren't expecting to be called a jackass on your wedding day?"

 

 _"The first moment I met you, I thought : Who's this jackass? who does he think he is' " that elicited a round of laughter out of the guests, I looked into his eyes and he was laughing too._ _"Turns out, he was my boss."_

_Even the priest laughed at that, because yeah.. awkward._

_"I hated that guy because he was so incredibly selfish and rude shallow and deliriously hot and despite all those flaws It was a wild-goose fight against my moral because I fell for that man, very hard._

_Turns out, I was wrong. As we started seeing each other I've descovered new layers about the man I'm marrying today._

_He's the most kind-hearted person I've ever met, he's passionate, loyal and he's not scared to fight for the things he believes in. He taught me that we all deserve our chance of happiness. He taught me that love --true love-- is capable of achieve everything we thought was impossible._

_That's why I'm here today. I'm here to start my happily ever after, with you."_

 

" _One year ago._ " He sighs into my ear as he plays with my wedding ring. Since the day I've wore it, I never took it off not even to wash dishes.

I only took it off once and I've felt this emptiness washing over me. My finger felt weirdly light.. ugh. I'm telling you, awful feeling.

"And may more ahead of us."

  
I feel his smile into my hair as he nods his head. He gives a soft yawn and our moment gets interrupted by little whines coming through the room.

"He's awake."

"Come on, dad up."

  
I smile to him as I get up on my feet, my hand reaches for his own and he lets out a soft sigh I help him getting up from the couch.

We take the baby monitor upstairs with us and as soon as we step into our baby's room I feel the familiar rush of warmth settling in my chest that it always comes when I realize that this is my family.

_Connor, Michael and I are the Jacob Stevens family._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conclusive chapter of this saga.  
> I want to say thank you to everyone reading, commenting, leaving kudos on this fanfiction!  
> THANK YOU :)

**Author's Note:**

> Every kind of feedback is always appreciated :)


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